Adoption/Maintenance/Children etc....

[RobMk6]

Right, no massive story, just a couple of questions....

 

I'm in the forces and gonna be based miiiiiiiles from my partner, we're thinking of getting a pad with the army as opposed to privately mainly due to cost etc......

 

But we dont want to get married or have children of our own between us yet., and you cant get a place with the army unless you are married or have a child.

 

She has a 14month old lad from her last relationship and the father doesnt really bother with him at all, so what I want to know is:

 

 

Is there anyway of adopting him without being married to Nikki? are there any complications to this?

 

If this can be done, who is responsible for paying maintenance for the child? does the father still have to?

 

This is mainly a question for anybody in the know about the forces.... Is there anyway the little lad can be used as leverage to get a place with the army even though he's not mine? as he is 'technically' a dependant.

 

Does anybody think there's any other suggestions we could try?

 

[sidrick]

Warning. Don't be surprised if this topic doesn't go down amazingly well, especially considering your wording. Edited April 26, 2012 by sidrick

[JC]

resisting the urge to make comment about children and convenience for benefits...

[Martin]

Jesus fu.ck words can't describe the stupidity! Edited April 26, 2012 by Martin

[RobMk6]

Ok, agreed we all know on here that I'm not the best at wording things without writing a huge essay.......!

 

But in reply to the comments already on board.....

 

Would it be any different if we got married and got a place? or if she got pregnant? - I fail to see the 'convenience' side of things here

 

Would it be better for the lad to be brought up solely by his mother? on benefits? paid for entirely by the tax payer? as there is no chance I could afford to pay for rent on a place PLUS 'keep' for the two of them PLUS fuel to drive home every weekend, - I see the convenience of a military property here, but its clearly more in the childs favour than mine.....

 

 

 

The only thing I'm trying to achieve is a better upbringing for William as he's not got anything remotely like a father figure, and only having one on the weekends isnt a great setup, I know what its like being brought up without a dad.....

Edited April 26, 2012 by PeeWee

[sidrick]

Is the army not paid for by the tax payer, mate? So that point is fairly redundant.

 

Out of interest, why would she have to live on benifits? Can she not get a job? The childminding allowance (especailly for 'single' parents), contrary to popular belief, does make it more profitable to work....

Edited April 26, 2012 by sidrick

[PeeWee]

Whichever way you word it the facts are that you want to get a place together, you don't want to pay civy price like anyone else, the only way you can do this is by adopting the kid because

 

A) You don't want to commit to getting married (why)

B) You don't want to have a kid together (why)

but

C) your also worried that the childs father won't have to stump up maintenance?

 

You do realise that adopting this child is a far bigger commitment than A+B put together?

 

It does seem clear that commitment to a future together is clearly a problem although you would risk adopting the child to obtain a substantion reduction in your expenditure.

 

Would you still adopt the child if you couldn't get army accomodation and the army said no? (please give me the credit of answering the last question hand on heart honestly)

[RobMk6]

I genuinely have no idea how the benefit system works, mate.

However yes the military is paid for by tax payers, however due to the nature of our job we do get certain 'perks' one of which being secure housing for you and your immediate family at a lower rate of rent.

 

So lets think about this, my wages paid for by tax payer.... £570 goes out to private rent....

or................................ my wages paid for by tax payer.... £300 goes back to government for rental of accomodation, essentially costing the goverment LESS. Therefore making my point entirely relevant.

[RobMk6]

Whichever way you word it the facts are that you want to get a place together, you don't want to pay civy price like anyone else, the only way you can do this is by adopting the kid because

 

A) You don't want to commit to getting married (why)

B) You don't want to have a kid together (why)

but

C) your also worried that the childs father won't have to stump up maintenance?

 

You do realise that adopting this child is a far bigger commitment than A+B put together?

 

It does seem clear that commitment to a future together is clearly a problem although you would risk adopting the child to obtain a substantion reduction in your expenditure.

 

Would you still adopt the child if you couldn't get army accomodation and the army said no? (please give me the credit of answering the last question hand on heart honestly)

 

A) As much as we love each other, we've not been together long enough to get married I don't think.

 

B) As per the answer above

 

C) Im of the opinion that if you make a life you should be able to support it!

 

Indeed I do understand Pete.

 

And yes I would, I've been with Nikki for quite a while now, which means I've also been with the lad for the same period of time, he dotes on me as do I him, I treat him as if he were my own son.

Ive seen him grow, I've seen him learn and develop into the amazing little blue eyed boy that he is now, I provide more for him in a couple of months than his 'father' has done his whole life.

So yes, YES I WOULD. I may not be the biological father, but every little boy needs a dad!

[Craig855S]

I genuinely have no idea how the benefit system works, mate.

However yes the military is paid for by tax payers, however due to the nature of our job we do get certain 'perks' one of which being secure housing for you and your immediate family at a lower rate of rent.

 

So lets think about this, my wages paid for by tax payer.... £570 goes out to private rent....

or................................ my wages paid for by tax payer.... £300 goes back to government for rental of accomodation, essentially costing the goverment LESS. Therefore making my point entirely relevant.

 

 

Gotta love the civvies, who bitch and moan that we get a roof over our heads for subsidised amounts, but remember, the government own these houses, and have done for decades, so the house costs the government next to nothing to keep, but we pay hundreds a month to live in them, so the government are making money on these houses.

 

 

I can safely say that if Defense Housing forced me to move out of this house and pay my own keep from tomorrow I'd quit, I cant afford a house in oxfodshire, I can however earn the same money im on now elsewhere, and "elsewhere" has cheaper houses

[PeeWee]

How long have you been together Rob?

I don't really understand how if you don't believe you have been together long enough to commit to each other that you can commit to being the childs adopted father?

 

Also, what does the childs father feel about you adopting him, has he even been asked or considered?

 

Gotta love the civvies, who bitch and moan that we get a roof over our heads for subsidised amounts,

 

Gotta love how the forces stick together totally disregarding any of the other facts mentioned in the original post.

I respect the forces in many ways but feel rather let down when someone calls us "civies" as if we don't understand or can comprehend what you do or why.

 

I will admit that I don't understand just why these houses are offered at a reduced cost?

[RobMk6]

Been togther almost 6 months.

We're not just gonna go and get married on a whim, we want to do it properly, when the right time comes, the same with having OUR own child, its when the right time comes

 

Williams fathers not been asked yet, this is a fresh idea considered yesterday and today, I do feel however that the grandmother would be the one putting up a fight to keep William where he is.

Edited April 26, 2012 by PeeWee

[sidrick]

Almost 6 months?

 

Aye, definitely best to adopt her child. What could posssssssssssibly go wrong???

 

Jesus man, honestly? I'm not sure you've entirely thought this though (unless it's a windup).

Edited April 26, 2012 by sidrick

[sidrick]

As for the pair of your (and I always seem to be having a go at you, Craig, sorry), some folk can't afford ST170s, BMW 5 series, karting hobbies and the like. Some 'civvies' have to live in the real world and realise that just keeping a roof over their head costs serious money nowadays.

 

I don't blame you pair at all for trying to keep the subsidised housing, I certainly would, but you should view it as a massive privilege rather than something you should be entitled to.

[PeeWee]

It's only my personal opinion but I feel 6 months is nowhere near long enough to decide your going to adopt a child especially seeing as the feeling I get is that this is 95% to achieve a monthly saving (please respect this is my opinion I'm not saying your not being honest).

 

I also feel that the father is unlikely to shake your hand and say "nice one, good on ya Rob" when you tell him.

 

You say you want to get "married properly", in which case adopt the lad properly................ After getting married.

Edited April 26, 2012 by PeeWee