cargy Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 Having watched my children being controlled and manipulated by an expert pathological control freak, and effectively losing all contact with my children. No visits, no phone calls, no texts, no letters etc etc. I have achieved precarious balance point where I can "sort of" cope with the status quo. After my birthday, I had to draw a line under it all and try to move forward by compartmentalising the pain and anguish. They aren't little kids: my daughter is 15, my son 16, so it is particularly hard that my ex was able to have such influence over them so rapidly when they have been my raison d'etre for so long. I know HOW my ex achieves it, and know they will never escape her influence for long as she is breathing. All attempts to get them to meet in a neutral environment, with appropriate social workers or mediators have been declined (I believe prevented!) and I realise that time has simply rendered me inconsequential to their lives in the space of 14 months. About 2 weeks ago (just after my birthday) my daughter sent me a letter. I haven't opened it, because I can't face it. I fear it will reopen the wounds, and set me back into the darkness and pain that I have manged to put away so that I can cope. I tried to put the letter away unread, but it is a constant niggle in my mind that I fear will never cease until I do something with it one way or another. I feel the best solution would be to send it back with a note to say I haven't read it and why. At least that way my daughter will know that I haven't seen it and if there is anything important that I am not ignoring it. I have heard all the "time will heal" and "they'll come around" stuff, many times from well meaning folks who have no grasp of the control my ex asserts. I have seen enough statistics on parental alienation to know that the probablity is that the damage to the kids mind is lasting and unlikely to recover without positive action to counter the propaganda. Alll I really wonder is whether to shred the letter in its envelope, to send it back with a note (I lean towards this) or to read it and risk causing myself further months of despair without any support. I would like to hear your opinions and reasoning. to help me settle on a course of action that is "the right thing to do" (if there is such a thing. Feel free to slag me if you want too: honesty is more important. Thanks C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geordie_aaron Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 Knowing from what you've told us, and having my feelings for AJ.... IF iw as to be in the same dier situation as you, i'd 150% open the letter purely for the fact that he's my son, and he's sent me a letter,NOW yes, it may very well be a nasty one, but atleast you'll know how she's felling, as when writing a letter, you tend to go more into depth thaan you would face-to-face.... just dont get ya hopes up... and read it...THen you either get what you expected.... or as a bonus it's sumit you didn't that maybe a positive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVE W Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cargy Posted July 16, 2006 Author Share Posted July 16, 2006 Nah, not me Dave! I got plans for the future now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fozthedevil Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 if uve come over it before and u have plans for a future dont let u set it back and maybe have a friend read it so that u dont no and if its something they feel u need to see then see it if not no skin of ur nose! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeeWee Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 Im with the geordie one on this one carl It may not be a nice letter but you would never know mate?You already know you can cope as you have proved this before.How would you feel 5-10 years down the line to find it contained something important.Brace yourself for the worst & like aaron says anything more is a bonus.If you shred it i would imagine it would niggle away even more than now but nothing could change it then Good luck whatever you decide.Pete Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theresa Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 You need to open the letter Carl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsbar1973 Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 In all honesty I don't know what I'd do, but I definately would'nt shred it. I see where Aaron's coming from with regard to opening it, but I also understand your view as to anymore pain. Thinking more about it, what if it was important? You have no idea what really is written in there, and not knowing will rip you up inside all the more. If you return it unopened, your daughter may be more hurt, and your ex will turn around and say (if she knows the letter was sent) "see, your father doesnt care". At the end of the day, its entirely upto you Carl, but if my ex returned a letter back to my kids unopened, they'd be hurt he did'nt make the effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVE W Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 Auction it on ebay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee R Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 open it. Least then you'll have a definate answer to wether to 'move on' or not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex-Finesse Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 open it. Least then you'll have a definate answer to wether to 'move on' or not Definitely. Your Daughter wants you to read this letter. There is a chance it's good news, so would you really risk loosing that purely because it may open old wounds? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee R Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 There is a chance it's good news, so would you really risk loosing that purely because it may open old wounds? indeed, and if its a nasty letter, at least you can say 'fcuk her' and draw a line under it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DAVE W Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 (edited) There is a chance it's good news, so would you really risk loosing that purely because it may open old wounds? at least you can say 'fcuk her' Thats sick not only is she underage but its his daughter Get it opened mate Edited July 16, 2006 by DAVE W Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lee R Posted July 16, 2006 Share Posted July 16, 2006 you're the sick one for reading it like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cargy Posted July 16, 2006 Author Share Posted July 16, 2006 Ahh, Lee's hit the nub of the dilemma I had said ffff... ffff......ffff... ...orget her ( ) and started moving on when the fooking thing arrived! THat's why it's turned inot a nightmare. Dave? When IS the next ebay free listings day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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