i have thought long and hard about whether or not to post this because it's vey difficult for me. i have spent the last 2 years trying to come to terms with it and have found that talking helps please bare with me and i appologise in advance and if you are easily offended please do not read any further.

 

form the age of 11 through to 15 i was sexually abused by my neighbour he was 7years older than me.

i never told anybody because i was scared nobody would believe me and that was what he told me. i only started trying to come to terms with this 2years ago before i got married i told my then to be because i wanted to have a fresh start goin into my marriage open and honest. my wife was brilliant about it i knew when i told her that me and her were forever. then i had to tell my family which wasnt easy especially as my mum and dad still live next door to his mother. my mum was naturally shocked and started blaming herself. i told her it wasnt her fault. peado's are so good at grooming that parents never see it. my dad still doesnt know i think that if he did it would kill him mum thinks the same way aswell. that is one of the reasons i have never gone to the police because i want my mum and dad to be as happy in their twilight years and i think it would kill them both.

 

do i still see him??? yes i've seen him once or twice in the last few years and wanted to kill him. he had a string of girlfriends but has decided that he enjoyed fiddling with me so much that he is gay.

 

what has this done to me??? i live in fear of the saying 'the abused becomes the abuser'. i would not get a bath with my kids when they were babies which im sure most parents on here have done at some time. my wife then understood why i was so against it. i stopped bathing my daughter when she was about 1year old. i know that i would never do anything like that to my children they are my world. i cant do some normal things that parents do with kids i worry constantly that innocent things will taken as something more sinister as they often are these days. i constantly feel i have to reassure my selflike now my wife is 13years older than me and have always been attracted to older women in fact she is my ultimate fanasty. i'm not too sure what else to say now so will leave it there. if you have any questions i will be happy to answer them as best i can. steve

 

if mods/admin feel this is inappropriate please feel free to remove it

Edited December 14, 200717 yr by burntalive

after readng that, I am very sorry for what has happened to you. This has scared you for life Steve, it has even affected your parenting, as you said.... you stopped bathing your daughter after 1 year, which is a prime example...

 

Have you ever wondered if you would go up to him.. and ask face to face... WHY. why did he do it?

 

Lee.

i couldn't because i havent got the self control to stop me ripping him limb from limb

what happened when you were 15 to make it stop and come to an end?

i dont know i think i was older and had more strength to stop it than when i was younger

you have to tell someone who he is , have you thought he may be doing it to others ??

really sorry to hear about what happened to you.

 

i dont really understand whats putting you off doing stuff like bathing with your kids tho, you clearly arent like that sicko. if it was me i would hate to let some knobhead like that ruin the few precious parenting years i have with my kids.

really sorry to hear about what happened to you.

 

i dont really understand whats putting you off doing stuff like bathing with your kids tho, you clearly arent like that sicko. if it was me i would hate to let some knobhead like that ruin the few precious parenting years i have with my kids.

Thats true, you can never get these moments/years back. I fail to see how what happened stops you from bathing your kids?? What is stopping you from doing these things??

have you had counselling etc, help yourself to come to terms with it, might help you with regards to your kids and how you act with them.

 

you shouldnt suffer not being able to do what any other parent does with their kids beacuse of what happened to you. you shouldnt second guess yourself, and wonder how it could be interpreted, im sure your a great father but your letting something that happened years ago affect your relationship with your children, getting help to resolve it as best you can might be an idea

you have to tell someone who he is , have you thought he may be doing it to others ??

it's a difficult position to be in and yes that thought has gone through my head. my dad has been ill for a few years and i think as do my mum brother and sister that it would kill him i would hate for it to happen to someone else. am i being selfish maybe i am but i dont think i could go on if my dad died and being resented by my family foit like i said it's difficult

i dont think your parents would blame/resent you and i dont think your being selfish ...but if he was never found out ...would you be able to forgive yourself if he got his hands on your baby ??

no you are not being selfish and if it was me i definately wouldnt tell my dad. no good can come of it as theres nothing he could do, which would make it even more frustrating for him.

i live in fear of the saying 'the abused becomes the abuser'.

I think that this sayin came from someone who was too weak to give the real reason why they did something. I dont believe that for one second.

 

These things dont make you who you are or what you are, those things are up to you and how stong your character is. The way you have got on with life despite what has happen shows that you have strength, so use that strength to not let the past affect your future.

Really sorry to hear that - i can not beleive your self-control, i would hav battered that sick cnut a long time ago.

 

Re. bathing your kids etc, i dont think you should stop doing that - they are only young once, before you know it theyll be off to school etc. I cant wait to have kids, i woudnt wanna miss anytime with them

what stops me???? i do not see children as objects of sexual gratification. children of pure innoccent wonderful beings and i love my kids dearly.

help: i have been seeing a psychiatrist for a number of and and on strong medication for the rest of my life i am also about to start psycotherapy to help me deal with this and my other inner demons