Al Posted October 10, 2002 Share Posted October 10, 2002 Had a problem with a bill recently, and i just can't get through to the arseholes.I'm not the only one with a problem with them it seems, please read; Below is a "genuine" (allegedly) letter to NTL about their services,enjoy. Dear Cretins, I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed upfor your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy ofservice which I had not previously considered possible, as well asignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me toprovide specific details, so that you can either pursue yourprofessional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - ormore likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertainingreading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H anddrinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office. My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice,resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arsewaiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all,I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating holdmusic, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me tolook at your helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom tosome small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - anactivity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After severalfurther telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) mymodem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, andbegun to pay for it.I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly35%... these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight,Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and havebeen unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterestedindividuals, who are it seems also highly skilled Ball jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someonewill call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someonewill call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knowswhether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off),that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not atelephone line isavailable (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing methat your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someonewho knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then beenredirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman.... and severalother variations on this theme. Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have atleast a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and alsoanother one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attendto. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer tovoice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unendinghold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were Shite, that they had attained the holy Pee-pot ofgod-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could bemore disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to deliveringservice to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because,well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I thereforewas, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction anddisappointment what a useless shower of b*stards you truly are. Youare sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum-incompetents of thehighest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine likebrilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of yourseemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardyquest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you dolikewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort paymentfrom me for the services which you have so pointedly andcatastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will begreeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although thesefeelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps asmall measure of bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my catslitter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt forboth you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they havenot become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moistat the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointmentif you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, andit's worthless employees. Have a nice day May it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatinglyincompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats, Yours justifiably psychotically, Xxxx Xxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissyboy Posted October 10, 2002 Share Posted October 10, 2002 you posted this a few weeks ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Posted October 10, 2002 Author Share Posted October 10, 2002 you posted this a few weeks ago No...not me,.............i really am still crying after reading this Al. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wez Posted October 10, 2002 Share Posted October 10, 2002 i've seen or heard something like that before. Or something similar anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mk6 Si Ross Posted October 11, 2002 Share Posted October 11, 2002 same as!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RS2000 Posted October 11, 2002 Share Posted October 11, 2002 Was me. I posted that a while ago, tis very true though, As anyone that has ever had any dealings with NTL would know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Al Posted October 11, 2002 Author Share Posted October 11, 2002 ...i still can't get in contact with them!! It's driving me nuts NTL :upyours: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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