beckham piss take!!

[furry]

Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching

> > the six o´clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off

> > the Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below.

> >

> > Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you 5,000 that he

> > jumps!" to which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn´t."

>So

> > they shake hands on the bet and continue watching.

> >

> > Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud

> > thud. Beckham takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to

> > Posh. But she refuses. "I can´t take your money, David," she says.

> > "The truth is, I was cheating. I saw the five o´clock news, so I knew he

> > was

> >

> > going to jump."

> >

> > "No, babe, fair´s fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and

> > square I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o´clock news,

> > too. I just didn´t think he would do it again."

> >

> > +++++++++

> >

> > The Manchester United players are in the dressing room on Saturday,

> > just before the game, when Roy Keane walks in. "Boss," he says,

> > "there´s a problem. I´m not playing unless I get cortisone injection."

> >

> > "Hey," says Becks. "If he´s having a new car, so am I."

> >

> > ++++++++

> >

> > David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in

> > the kitchen department of a large department store. "What´s that?"

> > he asks. "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?"

>asks

> > Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things

> > cold.

> >

> > Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his

> > next training session.

> > "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It´s a Thermos

>flask."

> > The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot

> > things hot and cold things cold,"says David. "And what have you got in

> > it?" asks Roy Keane.

> >

> > "Two cups of coffee and a choc ice," replies David.

> >

> > ++++

> >

> > Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed.

> > The mechanic knowing she isn´t the brightest Spice Girl in the world,

> > decides to play a joke on her. "You don´t need me to take those dents

> > out,"

> > he

> > says. "Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into

> > place." So she takes the car home and tries it.

> >

> > David spots her from the house, opens a window and shouts "You

> > silly cow! You have to wind the windows up first!"

> >

> > ++++++

> >

> > David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts

> > happily. Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I´ve

> > done this jigsaw in only 57 days." "Is that good?" asks Posh. "You bet,"

> > says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."

> >

> > ......groan now .............

> >

> > +++++

> >

> > David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he

> > went riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started

> > bucking up and down out of control. He tried with all his might to hang

>on

> > but

> > it was no good. With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first

> > to the ground. His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse

> > refused to stop or even slow down.

> >

> > Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending. Just as he was

> > giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworth´s´ manager came

> > along and unplugged it.

> >

> > +++++

> >

> > Posh and Becks are travelling back from Heathrow Airport to

> > Central London. "Where have you been?" asks the cabby. "New York," says

> > Beckham. "We saw a show and did some shopping." "Did you have any nice

> > meals?"

> > asks the cabby. "Yes, one really great one." "What was the name of the

> > restaurant?" asks the cabby. "Dunno. I can´t remember. Name some big

> > railway

> >

> > stations in London," says beckham.

> >

> > The cabby begins: "Waterloo, Paddington, Victoria..."

> >

> > Beckham interrupts excitedly: "That´s it! Victoria, what was

> > the name of that restaurant we went to?"

 

Posh Spice is being driven home from the airport, her chauffeur rounds a corner on the rural road near her country pad to find a cow in the road. He slams on the anchors, but too late. He gets out to find the beast dead in the road.

Posh insists he goes up to the farmhouse to tell the farmer while she waits in the car.

 

Some hours later the chauffeur weaves his way back along the road to the car, cuban cigar in 1 hand, bottle of champagne in the other & in a very untidy state.

 

"What happened to you ?" asks Posh.

"Well the farmer gave me this cigar, his wife gave me this champagne, & his daughter took me out to the barn & gave me some of the other."

"My God, whatever did you say to them ?"

"I told them I was Victoria Beckham´s chauffeur & that I´d just killed the cow"

 

Paddy

[RS2000]

[sortedford]

Lol, very good mate, heard one or 2 b4, but still makes me laugh

 

 

Ian

[RobRS1300]

very good

[Chrissyboy]

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